#Behavior Issues

Over the past few weeks I’ve been teaching a group of parents and educators live inside my VIP Practical Parenting cohort. Every week they can ask me anything. But I don’t give them a script. I don’t hand them a one line answer. Because behavior isn’t solved by memorizing what to say. Most of the questions I get online sound like:
“What do I do when my child does this?”
“What consequence should I use for that?” And the internet is full of confident answers from people who have never had to actually make behavior change stick. They give a tactic that might shut behavior off tonight… but it’s back tomorrow. Inside the cohort I do something different. I teach you how to think. You will hear how I break things down, what I prioritize, and why certain responses matter more than others. And parents aren’t just coached on their own child. They learn by listening to other families, hearing the analysis, and watching the decision making process in real time. Because the goal isn’t fixing one behavior. It’s learning a framework you can use for every behavior that shows up next year and 10 years from now. The next cohort begins in April and spots are limited. If you knew this cohort would fundamentally change your life and your child’s life, you wouldn’t be debating it. You’d already be in. Comment COHORT and I’ll send you the details. #behavior #bcba #parentsofinstagram

And here are the other three pieces to this. 1. First. Stop treating every small deviation like an emergency. Is how they are sitting actually a problem, or just not your preference? A lot of parent corrections happen not because a behavior is unsafe or disruptive, but because it isn’t exactly how we pictured it. When we jump in immediately, we often interrupt a situation that would have corrected itself. Low level, harmless behaviors usually pass if we give kids a second. And when they start to recover, even a little, that is your moment. The second they shift in the right direction, that’s when your attention should show up. 2. Second. Look at where your attention is landing before things fall apart. 
Ask yourself honestly. When your child was already doing what you wanted, what did that get them? Engagement. Conversation. Interest. Or nothing at all. If appropriate behavior produces very little, but inappropriate behavior produces your full presence, your voice, your energy, your face, then the lesson is obvious. Following directions is quiet and lonely. Acting out is effective. Your attention is powerful. Whatever behavior earns the most of it is the behavior that will increase. 3. Finally, understand this part, because it changes everything. 
When something is rare, we work harder to get it. When something is abundant, it loses its value. If attention only shows up during problems, kids will create problems to access it. But when attention is poured into the boring moments, the calm moments, the nothing special moments, it stops being something they need to fight for. Bottom line… When attention is already full, misbehavior has nothing left to compete with. If you’re ready for calmer days, fewer power struggles, and more time watching your child succeed, this is where it starts. Comment READY, and I’ll show you how. #bcba #behavior #parentsofinstagram

Most parents aren’t doing anything wrong — they were just never taught how behavior actually works. Once I learned about human behavior (and became a mom), I stopped assuming kids were being “difficult on purpose.” Here’s what changed ⬇️ ❌ Stopped calling out the “bad” behaviors Constantly correcting (“stop,” “no,” “you’re not listening”) gives attention to the very behavior we want less of. ✅ Started catching the good — on purpose I look for small moments of cooperation and label them clearly: 💬 “I love how you came when I called you.” 💬 “Nice job using calm hands.” 💬 “You’re doing such a great job waiting.” 👉 Why this works: behaviors that get attention are more likely to happen again. ❌ Stopped assuming kids ‘know better’ If a child isn’t doing it, the skill likely isn’t there or strong yet. ✅ Started teaching the skill proactively We practice when everyone is calm — modeling, prompting, role-playing, and reinforcing — so the skill is there when emotions run high. ❌ Stopped snapping when things didn’t go as planned Kids are always watching how we handle frustration, mistakes, and change. ✅ Started modeling coping in real time When plans change, accidents happen, or things don’t go our way, I narrate and show coping: 💬 “That’s not what I expected. I’m taking a breath and figuring out a new plan.” 💬 “Mistakes happen — let’s fix it together.” ❌ Stopped expecting regulation before connection ✅ Started filling the connection bucket daily Even 5–10 minutes of undivided attention reduces attention-seeking behavior throughout the day. ❌ Stopped taking behavior personally ✅ Started looking at the function Behavior isn’t disrespect — it’s communication and it's up to us to find the missing skills so we can teach our littles how to meet their needs in appropriate ways. 👋🏼 I’m Alex — PhD-level behavior analyst + mom of two. I share real, evidence-based strategies that work with real kids in real life. Follow for practical parenting support that actually helps from a behavior analyst in it with you and share with a fellow parent if you found this helpful! 🫶🏼 parenting tips • toddler behavior • behavior analysis • positive parenting strategies

Asking questions and using status and respect are tools that never run out to get cooperation with your kids. They are tools in integrity that build skills. Want more content like this follow me @findingflowparenting #parenting #consciousparentingcoach

There’s a strange moment in parenting big kids. You realize you can’t manage everything anymore. You can’t monitor every tone. You can’t step into every friendship. You can’t control every choice. And if you’re honest, part of you wants to. Because when they were little, you were directing everything. You corrected. You required redos. You made them repair. You insisted on respectful responses. You walked them through calming down instead of blowing up. At the time it felt small. Ordinary. Repetitive. But that was the work. That was the foundation. Now the role shifts. Less directing. More trusting. Less controlling outcomes. More watching what they choose. And that’s the part that feels heavy. You want to know it stuck. You want to know they’ll use what you taught them. You want to believe those ordinary moments mattered. They did. Every calm redo. Every “try that again.” Every repair conversation. That’s what builds regulation. Ownership. Respect. If want the exact words I use to teach those skills without escalating things — comment WORDS and I’ll send them to you.

When kids say, “I don’t know,” they often don’t mean I won’t. It can mean: • I don’t know how to start. • I don’t know which tool to use. • I’m overwhelmed. • I don’t want to be wrong. • I don’t feel safe answering. • I haven’t built this skill yet. “I don’t know” is often a pause button — not a character flaw. And what we label as laziness, disrespect, or manipulation is sometimes just discomfort without a roadmap. 💛

Yelling can stop a behavior. Punishment can force compliance. But neither teaches a child what to do instead. When we lead with fear, kids focus on survival. When we lead with connection, kids can access learning. This isn’t about being “gentle.” It’s about being effective. ✨If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle, DM me READY or save this for later. ✨Follow for parenting tools that work after the moment—not just in it.

When kids say, “I don’t know,” they often don’t mean I won’t. It can mean: • I don’t know how to start. • I don’t know which tool to use. • I’m overwhelmed. • I don’t want to be wrong. • I don’t feel safe answering. • I haven’t built this skill yet. “I don’t know” is often a pause button — not a character flaw. And what we label as laziness, disrespect, or manipulation is sometimes just discomfort without a roadmap. 💛

Many parents use rewards and punishments because they seem to work. ⭐🚫 But they only change behavior for a moment. Kids learn to obey for prizes or avoid trouble — not how to make good choices. Over time, rewards stop working and punishments create power struggles. 😣 Real learning comes from connection, calm guidance, and teaching skills. When kids understand why, they behave better without needing threats or bribes. 💛 Video: @hubermanlab Speaker: @drbeckyatgoodinside

Most parents ask, “What do I do when my kid messes up?” That question misses where behavior is actually shaped. It’s not in the big reactions, long talks, or perfectly timed consequences. It’s in the ordinary moments. The calm ones. The ones we barely notice because nothing is “wrong.” What gets reinforced is what grows.
What gets attention becomes important.
What you model quietly becomes the blueprint. A lot of parenting feels hard because we’re putting energy into the wrong places. We correct what’s annoying, overreact to what’s developmentally normal, and underestimate how much warmth, consistency, and calm follow through are doing behind the scenes. And here’s the part most people don’t want to hear… Authority doesn’t come from being louder, stricter, or more convincing. It comes from certainty. From not needing to prove your role in the moment. That certainty is what allows parents to lead before things fall apart. Most parenting advice focuses on how to react when things go wrong. The parents who struggle least are paying attention long before that moment. P.S. If we haven’t met yet—hi! I’m Jenna. I’m a behavior analyst, teacher, and mom. I started this account to help parents and educators with practical, evidence-based strategies that actually work, so you can enjoy more peaceful days without constant power struggles. So if you’re looking for real-life, easy-to-follow tips (without the fluff), you’re in the right place! #bcba #behavior #parentsofinstagram

I know! ⬇️ This is one of the most common questions I get from parents. When everything feels like a battle, what naturally happens is you put a lot of attention on your child in the moment to try and get it to stop. More reminding. More explaining. More correcting. More reacting. That makes total sense when you’re just trying to get through the day. Over time, a child can accidentally learn that acting out is a really good way to get attention and connection from their parent. That’s almost never the intention. But it’s an easy pattern to fall into. When you’re stuck in constant battles, it’s also easy to miss all the moments your child is actually being helpful or cooperative. Those moments go unnoticed and the hard moments get all the focus. So your child mostly hears feedback when they’re doing something wrong. And kids repeat what gets noticed. One of the biggest shifts you can make is being more intentional about calling out the good things your child does that help your day run more smoothly. If you’re not used to doing this, it can feel a little weird at first. That’s okay. Start small. Give yourself a simple goal. Notice and say something positive to your child 5 times a day. It can sound liked 👉 ”You’re playing so calmly right now.” 👉 “Thank you for putting your shoes on so quickly.” 👉 ”Wow, you were really helpful with your brother.” 👉 “Thanks for coming when I called you.” Those small moments add up. Kids learn what to repeat by hearing what they’re doing right. If your child is acting out often during everyday routines, that’s usually a sign there’s more going on. And it’s not your fault, you’re just missing the right information that truly helps. But, that’s more than I can explain in a caption. ✨That’s why I created a free course to help parents understand how behavior actually works, why their child’s behavior keeps happening, and how to respond with a clear system that creates real, lasting change. 💬👇Comment “FREE COURSE” if you’re tired of guessing and want things to finally feel easier again, with more calm days and more time enjoying your child. (Yes, it 100% free)

One big mistake to avoid in these moments Telling your child, “Use your words,” or “Ask nicely.” Here are two reasons. 1. Replacement behaviors have to be easier than the challenging behavior. If I want my child to switch from yelling, grabbing, or melting down to communicating, I cannot make the communication response harder. “Use your words” forces them to stop, think, find the right sentence, and say it while they are already escalated. Instead, give them the exact words. You are making the replacement behavior more efficient on purpose. “Tell me, one more minute, please” or 
“Can I have a turn when you’re done?” When the words work quickly, your child learns: this is the fastest way to get what I need. 2. “Use your words” creates a prompt dependency that is hard to fade. The pattern becomes: Child engages in challenging behavior
Parent says “Use your words”
Child uses words So what is consistently happening first? The challenging behavior. Instead, we need to eliminate that step and teach our kids that they can be the speaker first.  Try this: the next time it starts, skip “use your words” and model the exact sentence you want, then respond fast, because that is how you turn communication into the habit that replaces the behavior. Oh, and if we haven’t met yet—hi! I’m Jenna. I’m a behavior analyst, teacher, and mom. I started this account to help parents and educators with practical, evidence-based strategies that actually work, so you can enjoy more peaceful days without constant power struggles. So, if you’re looking for real-life, easy-to-follow tips (without the fluff), you’re in the right place! #bcba #behavior #parentsofinstagram Stitch w/ Hannahwiththelipstick