#Codependent No More

At it’s core, Codependency stems from a lack of Self. And so it doesn’t matter actually how it manifests for you in behavior. The recovery is all linked to building a solid sense of and relationship to that capital “S” Self. So every time you listen to yourself and act on what you truly want, desire, feel, need - you’re telling that small muted and greyed out sense of self that you are there to listen, you are there to learn, that you trust you, and that you’ve got you. And every time you do that, that quiet voice gets louder. That connection gets stronger. That inner knowing - ie the relationship to that sense of Self - grows.

Drop a 💙 and please let me know in the comments how codependency shows up for you in relationships. @authormelodybeattie is an absolute genius and her book “Codependent No More” is a must read. 📘 I read her book in 1986 and heard the word “codependent” for the first time and it was an “aha” life changing moment. I’ve been reading this book every year for 30+ years and every time I get an even deeper understanding of where and how codependency causes suffering in my relationships. 🌺 I think it should be required reading in school. There is so much wisdom in this book and the truth is, once we understand how codependent we are in a relationship we actually begin to set ourselves free. Thank you Melody Beattie for this treasure. ✨

Fix codependency using this 5-step method: If you feel irritated, guilty or have negative thoughts, answer these questions: 1) What upset me? Example: ”I’m upset that they don’t want to spend time with me.” 2) How did that make me feel? Example: “It makes me feel like I’m unimportant, like they secretly hate being around me.” 3) What do THEY need to feel seen and safe? What do I need to feel seen and safe? Example: “They need to be seen by their friends, and to feel that our relationship is safe” and “I need reassurance and quality time.” 4) Now share steps 1-3 with your partner. Example: "I felt upset and was passive-aggressive the other night when you hung out with your friends. I was worried that you might not enjoy spending time with me, but I understand that you need time with your friends too. I just need some reassurance from you sometimes, and I'd like to spend some quality time with you as well. Can we work on this together?" 5) Collaborate on strategies to be able to come toward each other with this information! #codependency #codependent #relationships #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips

IT’S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to manage the emotions of another adult. Codependence says : “I’m not okay if you’re not okay. So if you’re not okay, I need to fix it for both of us.” The other person’s distress feels like a threat to our own wellbeing and a threat to our connection with them —> so we take over Be supportive. Be kind. Be present. But allow them to rely on their own resilience and trust them to manage their own big feelings ❣️ #codependency #codependentnomore #secureattachment #boundariesarehealthy #emotionalregulation #emotionalresilience #interdependence #healthyrelationships

This one's gonna trigger a lot of people 😱 Follow @nathaliachristensen for more! #codependency #codependent #datingadvice #relationships #datingcoach #toxicrelationships

The most important things to know + practice if you’re healing from codependency patterns is: 1. Boundary setting (even when you feel guilty) 2. You aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions. Your role isn’t to manage other people’s issues. 3. Your needs matter: learn to understand them, meet them, + practice (when you’re ready) communicating them to the people you love #selfhealers

‼️ How to NOT be codependent… #codependency #healthyrelationships #personaldevelopment #lifeskill #codependentnomore #codependent #onsite #onsiteworkshops #healthymarriage #healthyliving #healthymarriages #marriageadvice #relationshipadvice #relationshipadviceforwomen #relationshipadviceformen #datingtips #dating #datingover40 #relationship @onsiteworkshops

THE CAGE OF CODEPENDENCY (and how to get out!) #Manifestation #LawOfAttraction #Magic thank you Salata for inspiring this video! ❤️ u Sheri!

Before jumping in and saying, “helping others is ALWAYS the right thing to do” I really encourage you to have an honest look at where that statement is coming from in you. Is it coming from a wound where you felt you needed help from someone else but were abandoned, and instead of feeling the pain of that, you’ve built a moral stance against anything that might look like abandonment? Is it coming from a caretaker part of you that has learned you only have value if you are of value to someone else? And there’s a deep fear around who you are if you’re not taking care of others? If this post activates you, first feel the anger, then drop a layer beneath it into the sadness (and there WILL be sadness if you drop deep enough). And THEN have a conversation with yourself about what that sadness is connected to. That’s where healing will happen. And from that healing you’ll be better equipped to hold the nuances of this message. This post is NOT suggesting to just abandon people when it gets hard. And it’s not designed for us to use “Tough Love” as an egoic/moralistic stance against not wanting to help others or avoiding the pain of our own feeling of helplessness. It’s about looking at a situation for what it actually is, having an honest assessment with yourself about any codependency that may be at place, and then using your own deep heart discernment around what is ACTUALLY in service to this other person. And remember, this video says *sometimes* the most compassionate thing to do is let another person struggle. It is NOT saying that this is ALWAYS the right thing to do. You need to use your own judgment based on the context, your needs, your boundaries, and the person. And yes, it’s hard as hell. Feel free to share your thoughts below ❤️

HOW TO DEAL WITH AVOIDANT PARTNERS 🩷🩷 • #attachmentstyles #avoidant #healing #relationships #insight

Codependent people feel responsible for everyone's emotions because their brain learned to interpret other people's feelings as direct information about their own worth and safety. When someone appears upset, angry, or disappointed, your nervous system immediately treats it as evidence that you're failing at what feels like your most crucial job: keeping everyone emotionally stable. You monitor everyone's emotional state like a security guard watching surveillance cameras, and when someone seems off, your anxiety spikes as you start calculating what you did wrong and how you can restore their emotional equilibrium. Their feelings become your personal emergency that must be resolved immediately. The most disorienting aspect of codependency is the complete erosion of emotional boundaries between yourself and others. You literally cannot distinguish where your feelings end and theirs begin, creating a psychological fusion where their sadness becomes your sadness, their anger becomes your panic, and their disappointment becomes your shame. This emotional enmeshment means you're constantly flooded with feelings that don't actually belong to you, leaving you exhausted and confused about your own authentic emotional experience. If you grew up as the family's emotional regulator—managing a parent's moods or mediating conflicts—your brain learned that emotional caretaking equals love and that others' emotional states determine your safety. This childhood programming created a nervous system that can't relax unless everyone around you is happy, making adult relationships feel like constant emotional labor rather than mutual support. Learning that other people's emotions are information about their experience, not instructions for your behavior, is essential for reclaiming your emotional energy. You can care about someone's feelings without being responsible for managing them, and your emotional energy belongs to you first.

Narcissists Are Codependents (And Vice Versa). Clip from the 2018 New York Mirror Workshop. Watch in full at TealSwan.com/premium