#Pda Parenting

Both of our boys have PDA, and if you’ve ever tried to communicate with someone who has Pathological Demand Avoidance, you’ll know that the usual parenting advice simply doesn’t work. PDA brains experience everyday demands as pressure - and pressure triggers anxiety, overwhelm, and shutdowns. n this video I’m snaring the simple communication shifts thaf make a huge meone 9,902 542 calm when their/nervous system goes into defence mode. If you’re struggling with PDA at home or school, you’re not alone - and these approaches can change everything. For more SEND guidance, visit the AskEllie website. #sendsupport #PDAParenting #AutismPDA #Neurodiversity #sen

If you have a child with PDA your instantly relate to this - I choose to share my journey to help others who feel like they are drowning they are not alone ❤️ I have worked with children and teens with PdA for over 15 years and now have my own daughter with PDA x

Imagine your house is on fire. You run outside to tell someone. You’re panicked. Frantic. You need help. But everyone just tells you to “calm down”. They reufuse to listen to what you are actually saying. They are kind, gentle. They just want you to stop panicking. But you are screaming, because something is very wrong! Imagine how much more panicked and frantic you would feel if no one was meeting your urgency. If everyone was just calm. Your feelings and behaviour would escalate. That’s what happens for our children when we focus on calming them down. When we act calm and try to impose it on them. Because although there is no real “house on fire” emergency happening, when a child is having a meltdown their nervous system is in a state of perceived emergency. The child is in that heightened state of panic as if an emergency was actually occurring. When their nervous system is in this state, we need to first meet them where they are at. Not by losing our cool, but by using specific techniques to tell their nervous system that their message has been heard. They have been understood. And only then can they return to calm. This is what I teach parents of complex needs kids in Beyond Typical Parenting. Follow me here @beyond.typical.parenting for more. I’m hosting a FREE community zoom call for Beyond Typical Parenting on Tuesday 11th November for the US 5pm PST / 8pm EST Wednesday 12th November for Australia 9am AWST / 11am AEST / 12noon AEDT I’ll share: 📍What’s helped me and my child 📍Strategies for self-regulation that you can implement immediately 📍Parenting techniques that actually work for ND kids. #complexneeds #parentcarer #autismparents #autism #disabilityparenting #specialneedsparenting #pda #autismmum #senparenting #autismmom #meltdown #coregulation

✅ It's totally normal in our house to hear "Good morning, FK YOU, I hate you...get me breakfast" ✅ Once we went back to the shops to rebuy the same toy for the third time that day. ✅ Im not allowed to wear headphones or loops because it triggers my youngest daughters nervous system. ✅ Im also not allowed to change my hair colour. PDAers don't like change, especially if it's beyond their control. ✅ My partner and I have whispering down to a fine art, our voices can trigger a massive meltdown. ✅ I don't make eyecontact with any other child at school pick up. My PDAer needs to be in control of me to co regulate after school, if I make conversation with anyone but her it can be disastrous. ✅ I've learnt the art of saying 'sorry' or 'you are right' when it's not warranted. Sometimes it's just what is needed to keep to the peace. All of the above probably sounds nuts to a non PDA household but you can bet your last brain cell that the most wild methods are common practice in homes like mine to keep a PDAers threat response at bay. You can call it lazy parenting, or being taken control of but it's actually a fine art and extremely difficult to get right...I would go so far as saying that most non PDA parents wouldn't last a day in our shoes, which is why a lot of families who aren't willing to adapt to this style of low demand parenting end up making life for their PDAer a lot harder than it should be. What has become your 'normal' that would have other families questioning your parenting methods/mental health/sanity? 👇🏽🤡 #pathologicaldemandavoidance #autism #pdaautism #autistic #autisticgirl #neurodiverse #neurodivergent #pdafamily #lowdemandparenting

6 Ways My Child's PDA (When Triggered) Makes It Look Like I'm A Bad Parent: 1️⃣ They melt down when they don't win a game To others, it looks like poor sportsmanship. But in that moment, losing feels like losing control-and their brain hits panic mode. 2️⃣ They destroy someone else's possessions when things don't go their way It seems vengeful or attention-seeking. But for them, it's about rebalancing - trying to restore balance in a situation that suddenly feels unfair and overwhelming. 3️⃣ They argue black is white, even when they know they're wrong It looks like lying or being difficult. But often it's an intense need to save face and protect their pride. 4️⃣ They speak bluntly or "rudely" to adults It can look like a lack of respect. But for a child with PDA, deferring to authority can feel like giving up autonomy, and that triggers anxiety. 5️⃣ They get really upset over tiny inequalities They'll argue over who got the bigger slice, who got to press the lift button, or who walked through the door first. To others, it seems petty. To them, even the smallest imbalance can feel deeply threatening. 6️⃣ They resist everyday requests "Put your shoes on." "Let's go to the park." It looks like defiance. But it's not about what's being asked it's about who's asking, when, and how much choice they feel they have. It's panic, not defiance. 🚫 PDA isn't bad behaviour. It's an anxiety-driven need for control. Those big reactions? They're not choices. They're survival mode kicking in when autonomy or fairness feels threatened. So no, I'm not a bad parent. I'm parenting a child who needs connection, not control. 🚸 When it comes to school, PDA can stretch the trust between parents and teachers, because sometimes the behaviours, and how we respond to them, look like poor parenting. But what you're seeing isn't a lack of boundaries, it's a child in distress. Let's stop confusing fear with defiance. ➡️ Do any of these resonate and have you had problems with adults misunderstanding these behaviours in your kids? 💬

PDA is NOT just autism. And pretending it is? That’s exactly why these kids are being failed. They’re not defiant. They’re not manipulative. They’re overwhelmed and we’re responding completely wrong. PDA has a clear, predictable pattern when you actually understand it. So why are we still forcing these children into strategies that make things worse? Lack of recognition isn’t neutral. It’s harmful. Because misdiagnosis = wrong support. And wrong support = real damage. Share this to push for education, awareness, and real recognition. #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance #Neurodiversity #PDAPerspective #raiseawareness

Structure shouldn’t feel like a cage — and yet, if you’re parenting PDA autism, it so often does. If you’ve made the visual schedule, nailed the routine, even laminated the whole thing… and still ended up with a meltdown, you’re not alone. This isn’t defiance or laziness. A PDA nervous system can read imposed routines as control, and control can land as threat before logic has a chance. A small support that can make things 5% less awful: swap rigid timetables for rhythms. Keep the scaffolding (what needs to happen), loosen the clock, and let your child choose the order when you can. It’s still structure — just co-built, not imposed. If this hits home, share what mornings look like for your family and what’s helped even a little. #autism #PDA #PathologicalDemandAviodance #parentingtips #neurodiversity

We do these things so naturally sometimes it's hard to think of all the accommodations we make. Does it resonate with you? What small things do you do everyday to support your PDA child? #pdaparenting #pdaawareness #neurodiversityaffirming #pathologicaldemandavoidance #autismparenting

Does your child say “stop talking” every time you ask them a question? 🧐 You're not alone. It's common among PDA children. Here are two tips to help you maintain connection and reduce that threat response in your home with your child or teen 💥 1. Wait for them to initiate conversation before speaking or asking questions. 2. Experiment with Declarative Language (for more on this see The Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K. Murphy). Hope this helps your connection with your unique child or teen ❤️ Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Comment "PSP" below and we'll send you the link to join our waitlist and get early access to enroll in my signature Paradigm Shift Program. This program is right for you if you: 👉 feel ready to move deeper into accepting your child’s brain wiring 👉want to work through an experimental lens to try a different approach to your child and to collect data to see what works in *your unique family* 👉are ready to get uncomfortable, confront some triggers, let the grief come up, and practice the skills to get your family out of the trauma cave. 👉are ready to positively change the trajectory of your PDA child or teen’s life 🔥 Not sure if your child is PDA? My free Clarity class can help you figure it out. Comment "Clarity" below and we'll send you the link. xo, Casey❤ #pathologicaldemandavoidance #autism #autismawareness #autismacceptance #autismmom #autismparent #autismparenting #neurodiversity #sensoryprocessingdisorder #sensoryintegration #adhd #adhdkids #adhdkid #traumainformed #traumainformedschools #traumainformedcare #traumainformedparenting #oppositionaldefiantdisorder #parenting #motherhoodishard #parents #sensoryintegration #selfregulation #selfregulationskills #autisticwomen #highlysensitivechild #highlysensitivepeople #spiritedchild #pervasivedriveforautonomy

With me joining a PDA parent group tonight I thought i should do a post on just a glimpse of living with PDA. I mean, I assume this is how neurotypicals are but I don't really know as I only raise autistic ones. 🤣🤣 Also needed do a shameless plug of my book Raising the SEN-betweeners = there is a chapter on PDA in there if you wish to know more. #pdalife #pdamum #pda #pathalogicaldemandavoidance #neurotypical #neurodivergent

I find myself talking about PDA a lot. It feels like most people I meet, actually. I never knew where to start and ended up giving a complete word vomit and going into so much detail. I’ve found PDA is understood and taken more seriously, when I say my daughter has a nervous system disability. Obviously when I’m having longer conversations I go into depth and raise an awareness, but for the shorter ones - this seems to work. What’s your go to way to summarise PDA in a way anyone will understand? X #pathologicaldemandavoidance #pda #pathologicaldemandavoidanceawareness #autism #nervoussystemdisability #nervoussystemregulation #nervoussystemhealth #pda #autism #parentingpda

PDA is a spectrum. Two kids can look exactly the same and interact the same and have drastically different support needs. But make no mistake- nothing in the world is more important than us signaling safety to our children, nothing is more important than them knowing how deeply loved and valued they are. It’s worth everything. #pathologicaldemandavoidance #pdaautism #pdaautistic #actuallyautistic #neurodiversityaffirmingtherapist #pervasivedriveforautonomy #protectivedemandavoidance