#Anxious Avoidant Dance

The most common relational dynamic is between someone who’s anxiously attached and someone who’s avoidant. This is the push-pull dance that so many live in To heal, the anxious person must: 1. Use “I” statements: focus on using “I” statements feelings rather than using blame “you always.” 2. Practice out of assumption: anxious attachment often has our brain working overtime to make meaning out people’s actions. And that meaning does tend to be negative. Become aware of assumptions. Then, practice out of making them and start getting curious instead. 3. Be aware of your own boundaries: if you feel like your needs aren’t ever being met, it’s time to re-evaluate the role that person has in your life. To heal, the avoidant person must: 1. Examine defensiveness: often conflict feels like a personal attack to an avoidant. Practice just sitting in a conversation and listening, without defending. Stay curious. 2. Speak the need for breaks: avoidants are easily overstimulated and need to work on voicing this and taking breaks when needed while also letting their partner know they will return. “Hey I’m overwhelmed right now and need 20 minutes to cool down. As soon as I’m cooled off, let’s finish this convo.” 3. Recognize our flee response: if your impulse when things get difficult is always to take space, just know this. Space can be healthy but if it become a coping mechanism for all emotional overwhelm— the cycle only continues. Practice sticking in hard conversations. To learn more about healing from your attachment style, @selfhealers.circle opens Jan 2nd. Spaces are limited. Join the waitlist for the first opportunity to join by commenting “WAITLIST” and checking your dm #selfhealers

The anxious vs. avoidant dance. #markmanson

When an Anxious and an Avoidant are learning the steps to the Secure dance 🥹🫶🏽 it’s a process, and there’s always new stuff to learn but damn it feels good when ya do it!

Stuck in the push-pull? You might be in the anxious-avoidant dance. Anxious: "Why are you pulling away?" | Avoidant: "Why are you suffocating me?" It's a cycle of triggering core wounds. The way out? Recognizing the pattern and choosing a new step. Tag someone who gets this. #AvoidantAttachment #AttachmentTheory #AttachmentStyles #AnxiousAvoidantTrap #RelationshipCycle

When an Avoidant realizes they hurt you 🌀 Avoidant Attachment Hashtags #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantPersonality #DismissiveAvoidant #FearfulAvoidant #AvoidantTraits #AttachmentStyles #AttachmentWounds #EmotionallyUnavailable #PushPullDynamics #AvoidantBehavior #RunningFromLove #AvoidingIntimacy #HardToGetCloseTo #WallsUp #HealingAttachment #TraumaResponses #UnlearnAvoidance #AvoidantAndAnxious #AttachmentHealing #PsychologyTalk

Do you agree? 👇 1. They don’t disappear when things get emotionally charged, even if you can feel their discomfort in the room. Staying engaged even if it’s tough and imperfect is still engagement. 2. They start choosing predictability over intensity. The contact might be quieter and less romanticised, but it’s steadier and more intentional than before. 3. They tell you when they need distance instead of creating it without explanation. Naming space is a big shift for someone who learned to cope alone. 4. They let conversations run a little longer instead of shutting them down early. Even a few extra minutes of presence can signal real effort 5. They return to conversations after cooling off rather than pretending nothing happened. Avoidance slowly gives way to repair. 6. They show more honesty about their limits, capacity, and timing. You’re no longer left guessing where you stand as often These are some big steps for someone who has used pushing away as their way of coping their whole life. While these are good signs of progress, it’s important to consider yourself first and do what’s best for you. Don’t negate the fact you may be hurting or that there’s disrespect. If you’re wanting to put the work in and move past your attachment wounds, reach out and let’s have a conversation 🙌 like and follow for more ❤️ #avoidantattachment #anxiousattachment #attachmenthealing #attachment #relationshiphealing #emotionalregulation

Iykyk #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness #selfsabotage

Someone with an avoidant attachment style had early childhood experiences where they weren’t safe. This can involve emotional neglect, boundary violations (smothering behavior), highly stressful/chaotic environments or abandonment. Ultimately, through early repeated experiences, the avoidant person learns: - I must take care of myself - People who love me also hurt me and leave me - Asking for help is pointless - No one cares about what I think or feel - Sharing my feelings will result in conflict and loss of connection - I have to appease to survive Because of a deep seated fear of emotional connection, avoidance is the coping mechanism. Most people who are avoidant feel most safe when they’re alone, not being perceived, and when they’re not being depended on. In relationships, they quickly and easily feel smothered. They have an inner voice that tells them there’s always someone or something better “out there.” Often, they create an internal fantasy world where the past was better. They tend to glorify past partners and relationships or times when they were single. My hope all my videos is to help people with insecure attachment learn the difference between their “attachment voice” and reality. To understand their behavioral and thought patterns. To start to have open and honest conversations with friends and partners. All of us have an attachment style. And it deeply affects how we relate to ourselves and other people. The positive part is, attachment is fluid. With commitment and inner work we can all become more secure, compassionate, and connected with the people we love #selfhealers

Anxious and avoidant… two people caught in the same storm, but seeking shelter in opposite directions. #relationships #mindset

What’s worse? Being anxious or being avoidant?

Do you have an anxious attachment style or are you in a relationship or friendship with someone who has an anxious attachment style? Someone with an anxious attachment style often thinks their partner (or friend) is always mad at them due to their deep fears of abandonment and rejection. This attachment style can cause a constant need for reassurance and closeness with the people you love. There’s a misconception in the self-help community that we need to focus on self-care and learn to love ourselves and fight against reassurance as a way to get through it. But I don’t believe that’s true, I think we learn to do these things in relationships that provide reassurance and validation. In the situation outlined above, it would be helpful for the second person to say something like “I know you may feel like something is wrong, but I’m not mad at you. I love you and everything between us is okay.” It’s a simple affirmation that can go a long way. Here are some other ways you can help: Open Communication: Encourage open and honest conversations about feelings and concerns. Create a safe space for your partner to express their insecurities without judgment. Do not roll your eyes, or get frustrated when they bring up the same topics. They need to hear it. Asking your partners needs: When they are feeling insecure or anxious, what do they need from you to help them? Is it a simple text or call, is it quality time? Figure out what works. Reassurance: Provide reassurance and verbal affirmation of your love and commitment. Remind them frequently that you care deeply about them and the relationship. Consistency: Be consistent in your actions and words. People with anxious attachments often get worried when they notice something changed or their partner isn’t showing up the way they usually do. If you have something going on in your own life, explain this to them to keep them from feeling abandoned. If you don’t, try to remain consistent for them to ease their fear. Inspired by: fatalemami on tiktok

Sending them avoidant videos are going to make them suppress what resonates and project onto you. Sending them anxious videos is going to validate their belief you’re the broken one in the relationship. (If they’re not doing inner work). If they’re not ready to reflect, all this will do is reneforce the behavior that isn’t working. Choose to continue to work on you, because in the process you’ll either inspire them to do the work themselves and uplevel their behavior, or give you the courage to find something that does serve you. #avoidant #avoidantattachment #avoidantattachmentstyle #deflect #deflection #avoidance #deflectiontactic #innerwork #innerworkjourney #reflection #accountability #dothework