#Codependence

Codependence

It felt like compassion, but it was actually enabling. This episode on the Connected Life talks about the sneaky line between compassion and codependence. Comment “compassion” and I’ll Dm you the link to this powerful conversation. The Connected Life, Episode 358 – "Toxic Empathy vs. Healthy Empathy"

Reminder: You’re a human being, not a human doing. The truth is, you can only give so much for so long before you start suffering and need help yourself. A need to be needed might be a subconscious fear of abandonment, but you can transform this into abundance. In our course From Codependent to Independent, you’ll explore how codependency has impaired your life and, more importantly, learn how to repair it. Through a process of self-actualization, you can finally start to live your desired life on your terms. Head to the link in our bio to learn some signs of codependency and how our course can help. #DailyOM . . . . . . . . . . . . . #codependency #codependent #relatinships #relationshipguidance #relationshipadvice #partnerships #relationshipmemes #marriage #friendship #marriagecounseling #codependencyrecovery #codependence #shadowwork #growth #boundaries #boundariesarehealthy #confidence #abandonmentissues #peoplepleasing #healthyrelationships

Save this to prepare for the next visit with your mum 🛟 When someone in your life avoids their own emotions, they will likely avoid yours too. If feelings were dismissed, minimized, or rushed growing up, you may have learned that yours and others’ emotional needs are inconvenient. Sometimes this looks like a constant focus on quick “solutions” to the perceived problem. The car needs washing, the to-do list needs to be handled and the plan needs to be made to AVOID discomfort and then when you’re trying to share something vulnerable (like your experience transitioning into motherhood) the response skips over your feelings and jumps straight to fixing 😭 Slowly but surely you learn feelings slow things down, needs are less important than the task and connection comes from being useful, not honest. And when someone pushes their agenda as the priority, the focus shifts from your feeling and their “solution” becomes the emergency. Codependence is often a nervous system adaptation to emotional unavailability and it’s the byproduct when attunement is replaced with efficiency and listening is replaced with fixing. Full transparency: I have been on both sides of this interaction in my life and BOTH are so uncomfortable. Once both parties have the internal safety to hold space for their own feelings, it becomes much more easeful to share honestly minus the urgency #codependence #therapymemes #therapistmemes #therapyforwomen

I realized 18 months ago that over the past few years, I had an overtaking feeling of being okay if everyone else in my life was okay. There is a fine line between codependence and selflessness. But your spouse married you. All of you. Not just the person that wants to make sure they’re okay.

Another way to describe codependence is the desire to have another human being give you permission to exist. Because this is something we only receive from our Creator, trying to get it from a person will always lead to heartbreak. ㅤ #selfworth #codependency #jewishwisdom

force vs flow #empowerment #coaching #mindsetmatters #womenscoach #selfhealers #peoplepleasing #trust #codependence #selflove

Some people are not a puzzle for you to solve, they’re just not your people. When you keep trying to “understand” or “fix” someone who refuses to meet you halfway, you’re not being compassionate, you’re abandoning yourself. Stop chasing potential, and stop romanticizing dysfunction! . . . #codependence #selflove

“Recovery from codependence is a lot like a growing up process - we must learn to do the things our dysfunctional parents did not teach us to do: appropriately esteem ourselves, set functional boundaries, be aware of and acknowledge our reality, take care of our adult needs and wants, and experience our reality moderately.” ― Pia Mellody, Facing Codependence #marriage #relationships #relationshipadvice #codependence

“If I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done” ⬇️ This is ONE example of codependent behavior in a couple where both roles reinforce each other in the pattern, one partner over functions (rescues) allowing the other partner to under function (dependent) The “dependent” in this skit, avoids their emotions about “their boss being mad” and defers responsibility to their partner. In patterned behavior like this, the dependent knows their partner will rescue them. They feel a temporary sense of relief, but ultimately maintain dependence. The “caretaker/rescuer” in this skit temporarily feels needed and important by putting out fires/solving problems, however, ignores their own needs/boundaries leading to the buildup of anger and resentment overtime Sometimes in partnerships, it is appropriate and can be helpful to call someone’s boss for them, for example, when they ASK for support making a call, but anticipating the need and rescuing become enabling overtime and completes the codependent loop 🔁 1. Problem arises (dependent struggles, or avoid something) 2. Caretaker/rescuer swoop in to fix it 3. Dependent feel saved, caretaker/rescuer feels needed 4. Dependent becomes less responsible, caretaker/rescuer becomes more controlling 5. Resentment builds 🔂 The impact that this loop has on couples is what brings many people into treatment. I often hear “I need to be in control all the time“ which makes sense! As we know, codependent behavior refers to the way we adapt to dysfunction throughout our lives. There are numerous and variable reason reasons why it makes sense to outsource the safety of our environments to managing variables, people and behaviors. There’s totally a benefit to that! The out of control part is that these behaviors are often compulsive and of course you would stop if it were that easy. To address this, it’s helpful to explore the need feeling the “need for control.” Once understood in matin in a different, functional and modern way, you naturally feel more in control of yourself, picking up the strategy when it serves you and putting it down when it doesn’t #codependence #therapymemes #therapistmemes

All things are ultimately interdependent. None of us can go it entirely alone, and none of us can rely entirely on others for all of our needs to be met. But each of us plays a very unique and fundamental role in the greater interdependence of all things. Our purest state is to be perfectly balanced within this interdependent circle of life, and it is by facing and healing our deepest inner wounds that we are able to achieve this. I hope this helps you today, I love you! ❤️ #spirituality #mindful #interdependence #independence #codependence #balanced #relationshiptruths #weareallone #beherenow #hyperindependence

The reason that codependence shows up in your relationship is because you’re seeking this one thing: Sameness. This means that in order to feel connected, you try to be the same - in the same mood or disposition. For many, this type of “sameness” can feel like security - but it’s a false sense of security. ❤️ True security in a relationship comes from fostering interdependence. Interdependence means being able to say, “I am me. You are you. And we are both okay.” Too much independence OR codependence can make us feel like roommates. We’re not finding the right balance of feeling connected in a way that breeds true partnership...instead it all adds up to resentment. Ready for a change? I invite you to join me on a 10-day More-Than-Roommates Challenge! We’ll be taking PRACTICAL actions each day to reignite the spark in your relationship and bolster healthy interdependence. Comment ROOMIE for more information!